Defamer Australia

A Bad Pedicure Can Be Really Depressing

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:08:15 +1000

It was no surprise that in the wake of her former lawyer speaking out and stating he made up her defence about the dicey baggage handlers (cheers, Triple J's Hack!) Australia's most famous boogie board enthusiast Schapelle Corby suffered a case of the sadpants. Tragically, not even a perfectly timed pedicure could cheer her up. Australian drug trafficker Schapelle Corby has suffered a relapse after venturing out of her hospital ward to go to a beauty salon yesterday, doctors say. Corby, who is serving 20 years for drug smuggling, is being treated at a Bali hospital for depression but yesterday left her ward under the watch of armed guards to have her hair done and get a pedicure. The visit caused a media storm and Corby tried to hide her face as she left the salon, once she realised a swarm of reporters was waiting outside. Sanglah Hospital doctor Lely Setyawati today said Corby's condition had deteriorated after her outing "... because it's been blown up, she's been chased by many people, she's been afraid". "The effect is ... her condition is back to zero."
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Setyawati said doctors had been preparing to send Corby back to Kerobokan prison, but said that would now be delayed. "We were preparing her to strengthen her so that she would be able to face her punishment, but now we need a longer time," she said
Perhaps an additional facial and some aromatherapy would help matters? She said she did not know in advance that Corby planned to visit the salon yesterday, but it would have been a positive experience for her.
WELL YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT SO. Poor Schapelle :(

YouTube Clip Of The Day

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 14:08:16 +1000

Accompanying this interesting article regarding recent accusations directed toward Coldplay that the mega-selling British band ripped off the song 'Viva La Vida' from a group called Creaky Boards is the following YouTube clip created by the disgruntled frontman of the aforementioned ensemble. Impressive mo, but what are your thoughts when it comes to the plagiarism complaint?

And The 'Headline Of The Decade' Award Goes To...

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:15:46 +1000

Congratulations to all involved at the news.com.au front page who came up with this most excellent headline to announce the tale of Mark Philippoussis' surfing mishap at Bell's Beach (his board was snapped by a freak wave and he had to seek refuge in a cave, apparently - it's true, I am trying not to laugh as I picture that): You should all be very proud of yourselves. As should "Damo of Summer Bay", from the comments on said story, who sums up the general reaction to the tale with the witty and incisive: "I bet the Scud's girlfriend knew exactly how to treat those bruises and cuts for the Scud. She probably got all kitted up in her nurses uniform when they got home. Yeah Scud Yeah!" Yeah, Scud, yeah, indeed.

ATO And IRS Slip An Extra Paul Hogan Tax Pursuit On The Barbie

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:00:06 +1000

You've probably heard that the ATO has been chasing Paul Hogan over alleged tax liabilities over the past few months; well, now they've gotten the IRS onboard to attempt to back Hoges into a corner and make him lie down by using the Ridgy Didge hand signal waved in front of his face. If, like me, "tax time" involves crying whilst sitting in the middle of a mountain of scrunched up receipts, most of the jargon will be just that, but all you really need to know is that Hogan plans to fight back. Presumably with a large hunting knife.

Hogan is the most high-profile target of the $300 million Operation Wickenby investigation into tax fraud and evasion, set up three years ago. Details of several offshore trusts and companies holding $40 million in proceeds from films such as Crocodile Dundee were leaked to the media in 2005, but no action has been taken against Hogan, his artistic collaborator John Cornell or their financial adviser, Tony Stewart, all of whom have denied any wrongdoing. It is not known why the IRS, acting on behalf of the Australian tax office, issued the summonses in May to City National Bank, HSBC and the Union Bank of California demanding 9 1/2 years' worth of "account opening documents, signature cards, monthly statements, copies of canceled checks (front and back), deposit slips and all other deposit or withdrawal documents for all transactions that exceed $50,000". Hogan's Australian-based lawyer said yesterday his client regarded the actions by the ATO as an unlawful attempt to obtain irrelevant material.

Thus endeth Defamer Australia's serious journalism portion of the day's proceedings. Well, now that we've got that out of the way, all things considered, I think now is as good a time as any to enjoy this re-cut version of the Crocodile Dundee trailer:

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Incredibly, Amy Took Drugs In Rehab

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 11:24:44 +1000

From the "surprising absolutely no one except Drew Barrymore's character in 50 First Dates" file comes the latest Amy Winehouse "news": Amy apparently took drugs while she was at rehab. And I say "news", because, well, did anyone really think she'd make it through rehab without getting a fix? If so, LOL at you!

She said: 'I've never been to rehab - I mean, done it properly. I'm young, and I'm in love, and I get my nuts off sometimes.' 'To be honest, my husband's away, I'm bored, I'm young. I felt like there was nothing to live for. It's just been a low ebb.'

Wow, that was so incredibly surprising, it was like M. Night Shyamalan got together with David Copperfield and organised a surprise birthday for me, and then told me I'd won the Lottery and have cancer! Incidentally, if you would prefer to read a piece by someone who hasn't spent the last year suffering Amy Winehouse-related déjà vu Amy Winehouse-related déjà vu, Claire Hoffman's Rolling Stone piece, Up All Night With Amy Winehouse, is compelling reading.

Starlet: 'Neighbours' Makes Me Feel Fat. Or Something.

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 09:40:02 +1000

It's always great when a new star or starlet joins the cast of a show like Home & Away or, in this case, Neighbours, because the PR department gets them to do a load of totally pointless interviews, and we reap all the benefits. So it is with new Ramsay Street regular Margot Robbie (apparently pictured chilling out in the Crawfords' bathrooms), who says that being on the soap made her more self-conscious. Or something like that:

"I used to read magazines and think, 'Why would those girls turn anorexic?' Sure, they would have a bit of pressure, but I didn't think it could be too bad," Robbie said. "But you don't understand what it's like on the outside. You are under heaps of pressure and when you get cast, everyone is stick-thin and you think, 'I need to be like that'. "When you look at movies the lead girl is always gorgeous and thin. There is a stereotype that you need to look a certain way and when you get in the business you really feel the pressure."

Yes, and when you look at Neighbours the girls are always gorgeous and thin, and the boys are Toadfish Rebecchi and Paul Robinson. Hang on, something's amiss here!

Pulling Out Of Live Appearances: It's The Jodhi Meares Way

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 09:26:20 +1000

The spectre of a sacking (and horrible nightmares featuring Charlotte Dawson beating her to an Astra Award before setting fire to her dress, leaving her waking up sweating and in tears) looms larger and larger in Jodhi Meares' mind today, no doubt, as it has been suggested that her Australia's Next Top Model finalé no-show was not the first in her career.

Confidential can reveal that the former bikini babe forced producers of Sky News Business Channel program In Business to find replacement talent after she pulled out of an appearance slated to run during Australian Fashion Week in May. Meares, who sold her swimwear label Tigerlily to surfwear company Billabong in December, was to have been the celebrity guest interview during the half hour program before she pulled out, citing sickness.

Well, to be honest, that sounds a bit like Confidential is clutching at straws, BUT, I question whether Meares has ever been that great a host of the model franchise, live finale or no live finale. She frequently reads from notes at elimination, often seems uncomfortable, fights with the other judges in a petulant manner, and plays favourites (Steph H, Demelza) to the nth degree. So, we'll say it again: CHARLOTTE. DAWSON.

Daniel Radcliffe Reveals Harry Potter's Secret Heroin Habit

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 09:19:46 +1000

At the rate the Harry Potter movies have been getting scarier and more grown-up, I admit I have been wondering what they'll be like by the end of the series - more violence? Extreme horror? SEX?? - and, indeed, what classification they'll cop. So, thank goodness for Daniel Radcliffe, who has revealed that the next installment will be just like... Trainspotting?!

The 18-year-old actor, who has played teen wizard Harry in all five of the films, insists the sixth instalment, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, will have drug metaphors and sexual references similar to the 1996 film about Scottish heroin addicts. "There is a fair amount of sexual energy and there are some drug parallels. We have a couple of Trainspotting moments," Radcliffe told Empire magazine.

Yes, that's very good, Daniel *pats him on the head* Not having read any of the books beyond a cursory glance at Wikipedia, I can speak with no authority as to whether this is an appropriate treatment of Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince. But what I will say is WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!? Thanks.

Kate Ritchie's Retirement From Acting Possibly Not Necessarily A 'Retirement'

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 09:11:32 +1000

When Kate "Sally Fletcher" Ritchie left the cast of Home & Away after what seemed like five million years (approximately), it looked as though that was it for the former child actress; radio was her new frontier and all the Summer Bay fans best suck it up! Well, perhaps said suckage can be put on hold - Ritchie is rumoured to be returning to the world of television, to appear in the remake of The Young Doctors, which has perplexingly dropped the "The":

Described as "Grey's Anatomy meets The Secret Life of Us", the series is currently in development with production company Fremantle Media and Channel 9, but is not likely to be seen on screens until next year. While an official approach is yet to have been made to Ritchie's agent, both Fremantle and Nine are eager to swoop on the viewer favourite after she ended her 20-year association with Seven soap Home and Away. "The program is still in very early days of scripting and character development, but we think Kate is fantastic and would love to have her on the network at some stage," a Nine spokeswoman told Confidential.

Yes, you read that right - "Grey's Anatomy meets Secret Life Of Us". You know, I can - for some reason - handle the whole remake fever when it comes to multiplex fare, but there's something about television remakes that is scraping the bottom of the "scraping the bottom of the barrel" barrel. But if this is the new trend then I'd like to suggest that someone remakes Chances.

The Farmer Wants A People Magazine Centrefold

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:05:50 +1000

On Monday night I watched the greatest hour of Australian television broadcast in this country's history - The Farmer Wants A Wife. Having missed the last series, I wasn't really familiar with the show, but I somehow stumbled upon the premiere of the latest series and was hooked from the get go. What's the appeal, you ask? Oh, I don't know. Rugged country boys, desperate city girls, charming scenery, amazing one liners... call me crazy, but it all clicked for me. I haven't been this happy since I accidentally flicked through channels and found late night repeats of Playing It Straight a month or two ago. And although I had thought the moment bachelor James asked a potential ladyfriend "So what's your most favourite tucker then?" could be the highlight of the show's time on our television screens this year, it emerges that one of the country lad lovin' women appearing on the show once appeared in the hallowed pages of People magazine, as well as starring on a saucy website! Booyah! Monique, one of farmer Nick Brown's chosen five on Channel 9's reality show The Farmer Wants A Wife, features on an X-rated pornographic website, MX is reporting today. The pictures, taken this year, show the Melbourne resident wearing only runners and knee pads in a bicycle-themed montage.
A sexy tribute to BMX Bandits? I approve! Monique, 21, who has a boyfriend, also featured in a shoot for adult magazine People three years ago. Fremantle Media, which produces the reality program, said Monique listed her occupation as "student'' on her application.
Wait, are they insinuating that posing for x-rated photos isn't typical "student" behaviour? Hmmm. You learn something new every day. Expect plenty of idiotic commentary on The Farmer Wants A Wife in the coming weeks... until I get bored.

This Just In: Alan Jones Has Prostate Cancer

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 12:14:53 +1000

Shock jock Alan Jones has just announced to the media that he has prostate cancer. The talkback king said he would take time off work to undergo surgery, but he would return to his breakfast slot on Sydney radio station 2GB when he had recovered. Jones said he had been diagnosed with the cancer after undergoing a biopsy and would require an operation in coming weeks. He would be off air for several weeks while recovering, he said. "The prospect of full recovery is very significant," he told media gathered at the Macquarie Radio studios in Sydney.
Elderly bigots across Sydney will no doubt be relieved to hear that. In all seriousness though - cancer sucks so I wish him all the best during this difficult time. "Cancer sucks". Wow. Eloquent, huh? Why the Cancer Council haven't asked me to join their marketing team is beyond my comprehension. Still, you know what I mean. Get well soon, Alan, so I can happily go back to bashing my head against a wall when listening to you on air!

ANTM Third-Placegetter Sam Would Like To Let Demelza Know That She Has Been Beaten To The 'I Got A Modelling Campaign' Crown

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 12:01:17 +1000

Briefly in the last flurry of post-show Australia's Next Top Model news, Melbourne girl and second runner-up Samantha Downie, who many were surprised to see booted in favour of Demelza, has already signed to Priscillas (i.e. the agency that takes on the winner) and booked her first campaign, presumably before Demelza has even had her post-party Berocca. From the Herald Sun:

The Melbourne Uni student emerged yesterday as the dark horse of the contest after it was revealed model agent Priscilla Leighton Clarke signed her weeks before the program ended. Downie is the face of designer Gail Elliott's brand, Little Joe. Elliott, who befriended Cindy Crawford, knows what makes a top model. "She told me I was her favourite, and not to worry about coming third because my career was going to go just as far," Downie cooed.

Well, just as far as what - a hurried Vogue shoot, maybe a Just Jeans catalogue, and then a spot on Where Are They Now? in ten years time? Don't sell yourself so short, Sam.

Jodhi Meares And The Mystery Of The Host Who Doesn't Actually Want To Host

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:37:28 +1000

Apart from the obvious outcry over Demelza "Bully" Reveley taking out the crown, the biggest hoo haa following the Australia's Next Top Model Cycle 4 finalé has been about Jodhi Meares' no show as the host of the finale. It's a bit of a moot point, as Charlotte Dawson proved (again) that she's the better, funnier and more capable host, but really, if Meares is getting the mad bucks to be the face of Australia's Next Top Model, surely she can take some Rescue Remedy and bring herself to face a live audience? Apparently smarting from the backlash, Meares has had a rep talk to the press, because evidently she's afraid of that, too.

"From the beginning Jodhi never agreed to do a live show of that scale," Ali Hainsworth said. "It needs to be put out in the open because to throw something like that on someone wasn't entirely fair."

Uhh, that may be the case, but a casual viewing of either Cycles 1 and 2 of AusNTM or, like, every single Cycle of America's Next Top Model would reveal the obvious point that the grand final is always "a live show of that scale". Those friendly folk over at the Daily Telegraph have helpfully assembled a few YouTube highlights of Jodhi's "work" at last year's grand final. And seeing as our "C'mon Tiny Mouth" campaign for Alex to win the gong didn't go so well, we'll be doing nothing similar to try to get Dawson the hosting slot full-time next year in case we jinx her, but let it be known that I reckon Charlotte Dawson is the bomb shit.

Naomi Watts Is Kinda, Sort Of, Pretty Much Apparently Pregnant (Again)

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:21:35 +1000

"Our" Naomi Watts is apparently expecting another child with her partner Liev Schreiber - I say "apparently" because the ever reliable Us Weekly has the "exclusive", and any "exclusive" that doesn't "exclusively" involve the words coming "exclusively" out of Naomi Watts' mouth is to be taken with a fairly large grain of salt. So, "exclusively", here's the word from the mag:

Us Weekly has the "exclusive", saying Naomi Watts, 39, is four months pregnant. The couple's first child, Alexander "Sasha" Pete, is 11 months old. When she was pregnant last year with her first child, her partner, Schreiber, 40, didn't confirm the news until he casually told Conan O'Brien, "Yes, I'm going to be a dad." Naomi's rep told Us she doesn't comment on her client's personal life.

See? Your story is on shaky ground when even Confidential calls it an "exclusive" (i.e. with the sarcastic Clerks-esque inverted commas). So, Defamer Australia tentatively congratulates the happy family, with the small print on the congratulations reading "These warm-hearted congratulations become null and void if Us Weekly's exclusive turns out to be total rubbish". It's only fair, really.

Heath Ledger Oscar Buzz Starts... Yesterday!

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:47:31 +1000

The buzz on the streets has been that Heath Ledger would deserve a posthumous Oscar for his work as The Joker in Christopher Nolan's latest Batman flick, The Dark Knight, but it's only been recently that critics and assorted media have actually seen the film - and now the buzz is even stronger. In particular Peter Travers' Rolling Stone review, which is pretty much the biggest rave I've ever read (and Travers isn't usually prone to hyperbole); on top of that, industry notables like Kevin Smith are also starting to join the call.

Travers said Ledger "is mad-crazy-blazing brilliant as the Joker". "If there's a movement to get him the first posthumous Oscar since Peter Finch won for 1976's Network, sign me up. "Miles from Jack Nicholson's broadly funny take on the role in Tim Burton's 1989 Batman, Ledger takes the role to the shadows, where even what's comic is hardly a relief."

Peter Finch (also AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! - and, for those of you who have FOR SHAME not seen Network, is the shouting/pointing dude Defamer Australia uses in our television 'industry' stories) has so far been the only posthumous Oscar winner (others have been nominated) and beat Robert De Niro (Taxi Driver), Giancarlo Giannini (Seven Beauties), William Holden (Network) and Sylvester Stallone (Rocky) for the gong.

YouTube Clip Of The Day

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:48:47 +1000

Ahhh, 1981 in Australia... a blissful, innocent time. A period where a man could compliment a woman's legs without fear of reprimand, and when ladies flashed their knickers with impressive regularity. To celebrate, let's watch the following advertisement from "back in the day". Awesome. Today's YouTube Clip Of The Day was submitted by Tim C in response to our Sime Nugent gig competition yesterday. As a reward, Tim will find himself on the door (plus one) at Friday night's festivities at The East Brunswick Club. East Coast living Defamer Australia readers should stay tuned, as we have tickets to give away for what should be an awesome July tour featuring two beloved Australian artists. Let's just say if you're a fan of Custard and/or Frente, and have a healthy admiration for the lead singer of each band's solo works too, then you'll be WELL PLEASED with what we have to offer you next week.

Amazingly Dodgy Blind Item!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:56:00 +1000

I've been saving up the blind items for a rainy day (and let me tell you, I have quite the collection of vaguely defamatory tales), but since I've been sick for weeks and am only now able to get my brain back to its normal functionality, I can't see why we can't bang one out now. I cannot back the following item up at ALL, but it was left as a comment on a Defamer Australia post - even if it's not true, the way it's written is hilarious. From someone calling themselves '[REDACTED] is a sex boy', we learned... [REDACTED] is a liar, hes not a virgin anymore.. this is from [REDACTED - NAME OF SEX BOY'S FAMOUS GIRLFRIEND] email, my friend knows her password. quote: [REDACTED] "i love making love to u, i can't believe i get to make love to u, and when we make love its so explosive"
Arf. If Sex Boy really did email the line 'when we make love its so explosive' to his little lady, then there's nothing we can do but quietly chuckle - and perhaps feel thankful that no one has been left untouched in this situation.

Belinda Neal Shoots Straight To The Top Of Our 'Do Not Mess With' List

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:28:12 +1000

Man, next time I go out for a bender, I'm taking the delightfully feisty Federal MP Belinda Neal with me. Now there's a woman who knows how to get what she wants, and isn't afraid to (allegedly) spit in someone's face to get it. It seems Belinda Neal just had a wee scuffle with the folks from A Current Affair, and the police were called. Ben Fordham, the "reporter" whose important job requires him to have deft skills when it comes to stairwell mustering, has given some ace quotes to the media about what happened. "I threw some questions at her when she got out of the car. The same sort of questions I suppose that the police want answered at the moment (<-- ED: WORK IT, BEN!), and it developed into quite an angry confrontation." "So the police have turned up. It's quite ironic - these are the police who would really like to be sitting down and quizzing her." (<-- ED: IT'S A GOOD JOKE BEN, WORTH USING TWICE. EXCELLENT ALANIS MORISSETTE-ESQUE GAG! EIGHTY THUMBS UP!)
Anyway, if it all goes wrong for Belinda Neal and she ends up booted from the Labor Party, may I suggest she investigate the world of bouncing? Even a quick glance at her picture makes me want to straighten up and behave properly lest I cop an earful of spirited abuse (amongst other things)... Ben Fordham's lucky he escaped with his life!

Susie Maroney's Baby Name Battle

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:42:58 +1000

Swimmer and Fidel Castro favourite Susie Maroney gave birth to her first child a few weeks back. Unfortunately, the happy occasion is somewhat ruined by the news the child's father, Maroney's estranged husband Robert Daniels, has turned to solicitors in order to fight the name Susie chose for their bub. What was the name, I hear you ask? Paris Seana Maroney. Surprisingly, he's not arguing about the boganesque 'Paris' bit, it's the lack of Daniels in the name that has him peeved. Robert Daniels, Maroney's estranged husband, has engaged a solicitor to fight for his daughter's right to bear his surname. Daniels, 30, was advised of his child's birth by Sutherland Hospital staff soon after her delivery on June 19. The bank worker was later told by a colleague of his wife's plans to name the child Paris Seana Maroney, after the birth was announced on radio. Daniels reluctantly told Confidential yesterday he was determined to have a relationship with his daughter and have his family name recognised on her birth certificate. "My daughter is the most important thing in my life and that is not negotiable," he said. "(Excluding my name) is very disappointing for me and my entire family."
The best bit of the article is this part. Maroney, who moved out of the couple's marital home in Caringbah in April, named her first child Paris, after the French capital.
I love how the French connection needs to be specified. Is there a whole generation of young girls being named after Paris Hilton, do you think?

Memo To Big Brother!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:30:48 +1000

Things that would have been better than making the housemates think there has been a spy amongst them from the beginning. i) Actually putting a spy in there from the beginning. ii) Putting an eel in the spa. iii) Cutting off Rory's dreadlocks. Also, after watching Australia's Next Top Model finale last night, I'm convinced you need to give the show a rest next year, and then come back in 2010 with one decent host, not two bumbling idiots whose career success continually provides the public with irrefutable proof there is no god. May I suggest... MIKE GOLDMAN? NO! Charlotte Dawson. She has a sense of authority, the ability to talk to the viewer without her eye twitching, and she's just A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN KYLE AND JACKIE O.

Australia's Next Top Model Finale - Thoughts From Your Editor

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:08:08 +1000

Defamer Australia's Associate Editor is the queen of all things Australia's Next Top Model related around here. I've never seen an episode due to constantly conflicting schedules/complete and depressing lack of cable television in my life. However, last night something strange appears to have happened. While Clem was unable to watch the finale, I managed to pop into the right house at the right time on the way home from hosting trivia and watched my first ever episode. So here are my views on the final - bearing in mind that I am a complete ignoramus when it comes to everything to do with this show. - Why is Jodhi Meares being employed as the host of a television show she's too frightened to actually host? - Why did Jodhi Meares love Demelza so much? - Is Jonathan Pease dating th winner, or what? Yes, I think the nation managed to pick up on the fact for you it's all about Demelza, Jonathan. - Jonathan Pease versus Alex Perry = WINNER IS ALEX PERRY - Why did the programme show clips of the infamous bullying which barely featured Demelza, and instead made it look like Alex played a role in it?! As someone who had never watched the show before, I was slightly puzzled until my friend Kerry hissed "This is all bullshit, they're trying to make Demelza look good!" - Charlotte Dawson is quite good as a host, isn't she? Way less "I'm going to stab you, and then cry myself to sleep. YAY!" than Natalie Bassingthwaite. - Although her right boob looked like it might go rogue at any point in that tight Alex Perry creation. - If Alex is a nicer person, with a better figure, and someone who picked up more modeling jobs during fashion week, and an all round wiser selection for the world of international modeling than someone who is perhaps better suited to the era of mid-nineties Dolly Magazine cover girl competitions... then how the HELL did Demelza win? - Obviously Napoloeon Perdis' taste is to be trusted rather than that of an actual Vogue editor. All in all, I highly enjoyed the finale even though the result was confusing and plain wrong, and I look forward to having bloody Foxtel by the time next year's program starts so I never have to miss out on a thing. Yours truly, Your Slightly More Switched On Editor.

Australia's Next Top Model 4 Round-Up - Update!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:50:56 +1000

The infamous Vogue Forums have been ablaze (320 pages and counting!) with rants about Demelza Reveley's AusNTM win last night, with Voguettes threatening to cancel their Vogue subscriptions because of the 16-year-old's bullying behaviour during this Cycle of the show. As was mentioned previously, Vogue Editor In Chief Kirstie Clements did not vote for Demelza - and to calm the forums down (or likely inspire exactly the opposite), she has posted an official announcement on the topic:

Part of Reveley's prize is a shoot in Vogue Australia's September issue, with the magazine under a contractual agreement with Australia's Next Top Model to feature the winner on eight pages, but don't expect the amateur model to appear on the cover like last year's winner Alice Burdeu. "Alice was such an exceptional case," Clements says. "It was clear from the very beginning that she had the makings of an international model."

BIZZAM! "Amateur model"! "Contractual agreement"! Drawing impossible comparisons with the Divine Miss Burdeu! Demelza, you might have won on a technicality (that "general public" vote, pfft), but you just got served.

More Highlights From The Kerry Katona V Sue Katona Prizefight

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:32:27 +1000

They just don't make celebrity family feuds like they do in the UK! Kerry Katona's mother recently hit the headlines when it was announced to have signed a six-figure book deal to tell family secrets like, er, the time she tried to seduce Kerry's ex-husband Brian "Potato" McFadden. Well, unsurprisingly, now it's Chipshop's time to fight back at Mommy Dearest! Anyone want some of this mega bucket of popcorn?

Kerry told Heat magazine: 'I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if she did. I'd be more surprised if she hadn't slept with him [McFadden]. 'She did sleep with one of my boyfriends while I was going out with him.' The former Atomic Kitten singer also admitted in the interview with the magazine that in the past she had considered ending all her troubles, by committing suicide. [...] She added: 'I've watched my mum over the years, trying to kill herself countless times, and to me it's a coward's way out and it made me feel unloved and unworthy. 'So I could never dream of doing that to my children.'

Wow, how much dirtier can this fight get? It's like they're ex-BFFs, not mother and daughter. Can we get a quote on how much it would cost to FedEx a gilt-framed print of Philip Larkin's This Be The Verse to both Katona women, post haste?

Australia's Next Top Model 4 Round-Up: Demelza Takes Line Honours

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:03:27 +1000

Evidently our "C'mon Tiny Mouth!" campaign to get Alex across the line in the Australia's Next Top Model finale fell on deaf ears, because - thanks to the public vote after a split judges' vote - Demelza Reveley is the Cycle 4 winner. She did not have Kirstie Clements' (Editor In Chief of Vogue Australia) vote, which means we can all look forward to finding Demelza in an advertorial shoot stuffed up the back of the magazine near the stockists' list. No cover for you, Demelza! And, hmm, I wonder what the press thinks about the result? A sampling of headlines:

Teen bully Demelza Reveley wins Next Top Model
'Bully' 16-year-old takes out Next Top Model final
'Bitchketeer' Demelza Reveley wins Australia's Next Top Model

And so on. They make a good point - with the focus on bullying, cyber bullying and harassment in the media currently, what message does it send to young girls? That you can bully your way to the top? That it's okay to be a bully if you have a pretty face? Unfortunately I can offer no thoughts on the finale as I wasn't even within a 10km radius of anyone with a) Foxtel or b) a VCR and b.i) a courier helicopter, so can only go on what is reported in the papers and what was relayed to me via SMS. And on the latter topic, the bulk of the SMSes were along the lines of "OMG WTF no Jodhi?" - evidently Ms Meares has a fear of live television (and sent well wishes to the finalists via video link). So, er, doesn't that mean she's a pointless choice as a host, if the "Live Finale" is the glittering jewel in the AusNTM crown? Give the gig to Charlotte Dawson! Did you watch the finale? Did you press your big red button and vote for Demelza?

US Prosecutor Lays The Smackdown On 'Celebrity' Wayne Carey

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:28:23 +1000

Just when you thought you'd heard the last of the Wayne Carey saga, we're all reminded that - oh yeah! - he's still in the midst of a legal battle in the States for that alleged assault in Miami, leaving him on felony charges of battery. And in bad news for the Troubled™ ex-AFL star, the US prosecutor doesn't look to be in a particularly sympathetic mood when it comes to Carey's celebrity standing in his home country.

In venting his frustration, the prosecutor, Matthew Baldwin, pointed to the 11 male and female shackled prisoners in bright orange jail issue jumpsuits sitting at the side of the crowded Miami-Dade County Court room and 18 other defendants, facing a mix of heroin, cocaine, assault and domestic abuse charges, waiting in the public gallery for their cases to be dealt with. Baldwin told Judge Rosa Rodriguez that Carey might be a celebrity in Australia, but he should not receive special treatment. "He's facing felony charges," Baldwin said. "The fact he is a celebrity somewhere else doesn't mean he does not have to appear in court like everybody else in the court room."

Judge Rosa Rodriguez seconded the calls, noting that Carey must be in the court for his trial, which looks set to take place on October 14th, after being pushed back three times.

Mazel Tov To Andrew G And Noa Tishby!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:11:22 +1000

In news that will likely have twice-dumped Cleo Bachelor Of The Year Jason Dundas crying into his Weet-Bix, former title-holder Andrew G has tied the knot! The perma-tanned and questionably moustachioed/hair-styled [V] and Idol host married his long-term girlfriend, Israeli actress and model Noa Tishby (they were an item when he was Bachelor Of The Year, in fact), and we'll get to gawp at the pics in one of the glossies next week. For the time being, here's the blushing bride's take on it all:

"We're bringing in people from all over - Australia, LA, London, Switzerland and Amsterdam," Tishby told The Jerusalem Post, before the marriage ceremony over the weekend. "We're going to schlepp them all over the country - Jerusalem and Yad Vashem and the Old City, then the Dead Sea, Masada, then the Kinneret and the North," she said. "Andrew's been here many times and he's obsessed with Israel - it was very important for us to have (the wedding) here and use the opportunity to show people the country."

Hip hip hip! Three cheers for the happy couple. Defamer Australia sends its warmest congratulations to the happy couple, and would like to let G offsider and pal James Matheson that we are still single!

Not Happy About The 'Kath & Kim' Remake? Don't Tell Selma!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:05:18 +1000

A long time ago in an entertainment galaxy far, far away, we told you that Selma Blair had been cast as Kimmoyyy in the American, mall-set remake of Kath & Kim (Molly Shannon is taking on Kath Day Knight duties). Well, it seems Selma is not too keen on Australia's concerns that like, say, The Office and Wife Swap, Kath & Kim may be another thing that our American cousins just can't do quite as well as the original.

"Some people are really protective and horrified that we're doing it in the United States," Blair said. "It's a case of, 'How could you? Oh my god, you might ruin it'. But what's to ruin? You're still going to have your great show in Australia - we're just paying homage to it. Nothing takes away from the original." Blair, 36, revealed the US version, which was originally set in Phoenix, Arizona, was now set in the sprawling suburbs of Florida. "We're middle-class, celebrity-obsessed, tabloid-crazy and kind of superficial," she said. "We think we are so fabulous and we're not really, at all. "My mum Kath (played by Shannon) is wonderful and perky and positive and I'm a complete downer."

Oh dear, already having to spell it out to viewers? This doesn't bode well. AND YES, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, SELMA! Ahem, sorry, I'm not sure what came over me then.

Sime Nugent Gig This Friday Night | WIN TICKETS!

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:56:13 +1000

Hola, Melbourne-based Sime Nugent fans (or passionate lovers of his music willing to travel great distances for a good live show). As you may or may not know, we're big fans of "The Nuge" around these parts, and I was rather excited to learn that the man himself is playing a very special show, Bruce McAvaney style, this Friday night at Melbourne's own East Brunswick Club. With support from Matt Walker and Suzannah Espie, a couple of special onstage guests, and a rollickingly talented band who will probably make your brain explode a bit when you watch them do their "thang", the gig was always going to be ace - but it's also being recorded, which means there's every chance your girlish cries of "TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF, NUGENT!" and "PLAY KHE SANH!" will appear on a CD in the near future! If you'd like to join me and other people with taste on Friday night, you can buy tickets from the East Brunswick Club's website or on the door at the night. Do it! DO IT! OR - if you email tips AT defamer.com.au and offer up a remotely interesting YouTube link, you might just win yourself two tickets. Bring a date! Feel them up while one of the country's finest singer-songwriters bangs out the musical bliss! Buy me a beer! Whatever!

Number One With a Bullet!

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:04:57 +1000

If Peter Andre can re-straddle the British pop scene after an appearance on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here a couple of years ago, then I cannot imagine there'll be anything able to stop Big Brother UK contestants Darnell & Kathreya's amazing ode to biscuits Cookie Love from hitting the number one spot on the UK singles chart in a few months time. To beloved reader Lee - don't stop sending the updates. And you're right, Kathreya is such a glorious character that despite her lack of any connection to Australia, we shall only refer to her as Our Kathreya from this point onwards. VIVA OUR KATHREYA!

The Hewitts Surprise Everybody By Selling Their Baby News To The Highest Bidder

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 09:50:20 +1000

Some of you might have suspected that Lleyton and Bec (sorry, Rebecca) Hewitt's 'baby joy' news of yesterday was conveniently timed to coincide with, say, a mortgage repayment, or perhaps a very expensive piece of furniture that Rebecca just had to have. Well, o' ye of little faith, who's laughing... oh, what? Right, looks like they did get a lump sum.

Despite earlier denying widespread rumours the former Home and Away star was pregnant with their second child, the Hewitts confirmed the happy news to a women's magazine yesterday - for an estimated six-figure sum. The baby, due in January, will be a sibling for the couple's two-year-old daughter Mia, whose birth, conception and early milestones were sold in a reported $1 million magazine deal. The latest tell-all, posed at the Hewitts' luxury Wimbledon rental home, is rumoured in management circles to have netted the celebrity parents $100,000.

The phrase "luxury rental home" sounds like a bit of an oxymoron, doesn't it? Sort of like "delicious cardboard souffle", or "Lara 'Intellegent' Bingle". Anyway, gee whiz, what a surprise, who knew they were only in it for the money, etc and so forth.